Good evening and welcome to The Martian Weekly, which features a general capture of the thoughts going on in my head. Most normal people would call those “Journals” however, I am anything but normal people. There have been a few places I've done journal-type things. I used to do them in the form of Snapchat videos. Until I realized that Snapchat annoys me. There is a nice little corner on the internet where I've done a segment called “Late Night” which is the same as this. Just my thoughts while I work overnights in security. I believe I did about 30 something of them? I was consistent in the beginning, then sort of decided I'd rather put them on my own writing platform that I am just now getting to.
My peanut gallery has been encouraging me to write journals for my Substack just so I have something consistent to post. Hence, The Martian Weekly. I've gone by Mars as long as I can remember. Mars Martian is a nickname I dubbed myself for myself in the hopes one day someone will love me and space enough to call me that. I used to make up potential nicknames in my head. Through my observations of people and social structures, I used to believe in order to know you're “in” a group, the individuals of the group would nickname you. Maybe I learned that from TV? There are a lot of my skills I learned from TV.
This being the first post of the Martian Weekly I'll be posting it on Friday. I can't guarantee that there will be two posts, but there will at least be one. The next post will have the same name but the date posted (probably next Friday if not Tuesday) so for example if you want to follow along with this segment which goes a bit more into the inner workings of my mind. (I highly recommend other neurodivergent types and people who love psychology follow these.) If this post was next week's post you would see this. Martian Weekly 6-29-22. In the subtitle text, I will add a miniature description or warnings about the piece.
It's been a long time coming but I sort of feel like I'm on a new line. Ideas are flowing through me for writing, none that I can really add into something to post, but my gears are constantly turning. I have a letter I'm working on that's to my family. Or rather the people who should've been family. It's not something I'm going to send or even share publicly. It is something I want others to read so that my thoughts are heard and I can put them to rest. It is part of some odd healing process I think I need. To be able to tell these people the things I want to tell them. The things I should've. The things I no longer can because it either a) wouldn't do me any good, b) not change anything or c) not be the energy I want around.
I have new projects I've added that have sort of overwhelmed me. It's just a crap ton of learning and engaging that I'm having trouble with. I think I'm managing to balance it out and not stress over it, but it's definitely something that I will need to watch out for. Which is sort of why I think the worst part of marketing or networking is bypassing the social media algorithms. For a few of my projects, I had to create new social media. Starting out with zero followers is a nightmare. Because you have to stay consistent to get the reach that you'd need to keep a steady flow of visitors to your page. And even then you aren't going to see the growth that you're hoping for. My social that I used to write my “Late Nights” on, has 2,200 followers. It has taken me over a year to get that many. That's after 300-something photos and over 50 videos. My newest project? 70 something followers after 3 weeks. The social media I created to boost that project? In total (there are 4 of them) less than 50 followers and that is put together. Becoming overwhelmed is easy to do. I tell myself over and over that the likes and follows don't matter, that they will come with consistency and time.
I'm hoping with all my might, that I can change positions at work. I know I can make a difference in the company as a dispatcher rather than out on the field as a guard. I'm tired of the site I'm at. It took me a long time to reach that point. But I'm here and here is why: They have a cleaning crew that they contract out through a company just like us. It's this sweet husband and wife duo. She doesn't speak a lot of English and I absolutely adore greeting them in Spanish. I get sad when I come in on one of the three days they are here and I don't see them. Every Friday these asshats have a pizza party. We are talking like 20 to 40 pizza boxes. Mostly empty. Some with a couple of slices. Boxes that they could take out as they walk to their cars. They expect the cleaning crew to take care of their mess. With absolute zero consideration for their time. They are often late to other sites because of this site. It wouldn't have bothered me as much if they didn't leave a note saying “If you're going to sit here, be respectful” with “be respectful” underlined because they watch their cameras and didn't like where I was sitting. I sat at that desk because it was the easiest to keep clean and organized after my 10-hour shift. I hate being at a messy desk because I cannot keep it cleaner than it was. They can keep their petty notes and problems. I'm not going to worry if their wires need re-taped, or their dishes need washed. Or if they leave little pieces of trash behind. How about you learn respect... maybe I'll care again.
Being Dispatcher would be nice. At my old security job, I had to write the Standards of Operations and Post Orders for my site. While also assisting other supervisors with their sites and their paperwork. I found a certain enjoyment in bridging gaps that way. Writing schedules is easy, communicating direct orders is easy, and compiling information is easy. Security is... a weird job. Because of the ease, you attract a lot of oddities. People that don't care, people that care too much, people that just... make you question humanity. I haven't been down in the fire like I've wanted to. As long as I remain unarmed and a woman I doubt that will change much. Security is still very much a man's world. Which does make sense to me. Even if I exercised and bulked up my muscle, or got all the tactical training I need I still would be missing a few components that would make me level with a fully grown male figure. Why am I here despite that? Because I'm not useless, on a team I could stand my ground. I know working with these guys will teach me things about myself and my reactions that working a desk job won't teach me.
I chose to work security because I can't just punch numbers on a clock and go home. If I am to work to pay my bills ‘til my aspirations work for me, then I have to be in a place I can care about. That won't mentally drain me. Having ADHD and nonverbal learning disorder I get burnt out easily. In school 8 hours destroyed me mentally. I was useless after school. When I worked retail it was the same thing. So much information to take in constantly. In security, I put my best skills to use, the skills trauma and PTSD, and life have instilled in me. Vigilance, attention to detail, and ability to dissolve issues, among others.
Working for this company is one of the few good work decisions I've made for myself. At the moment I feel like working overnight works out for me and makes sense, but it won't always. This will be the end of this transmission. I just wanted to introduce you to Martian Weekly. As always have a wonderful week, see you next time!